The 7 habits of highly effective people

SEVEN HABITS of HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

BODY:

Cultural tendency: Maintain lifestyle, treat
health problems with surgery and medication.

Principle: Prevent diseases and problem by aligning lifestyle to be in harmony with established, universally accepted principle of life.

MIND:
Cultural tendency: Watch TV, entertain me

Principle: Read broadly and deeply, continuous education.

HEART:
Cultural: Use relationship with the others to forward your personal, selfish interest. 

Principle: Deep, respectful listening and serving others brings greatest fulfillment and joy.

SPIRIT:
Principle: Recognize the source of our basic needs for meaning and of the positive things we seek in life is principle.

● If you want to go to destination "A" but your map is of destination"B" then your hardwork, behaviour, efforts, speed, attitude and positive thinking will get you to the wrong place faster, so DIRECTION is more important than SPEED.

● Always have a calm, respectful and specific conversation.

● As clearly and objectively as we thinks, as we see things, we begin to realize that others see them differently from their own apparently equally clear and objective point of view.

● We see the world not as it is, but as we are or, as we conditioned to see it.

● A man should posses fairness, honesty, integrity, human dignity, quality, or excellence, growth, patience, encouragement.

● We are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

● We must learn to listen and this required emotional strength. Listening involves patience.

● The inside out approach says that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others.

● Our character is basically is a composite of habit. "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap an destiny" the maxim goes.

● PARADIGM: it affects the way you see everything in your life. If you look at things through the paradigm of correct principles, what you see in life is dramatically different from what you see through any other centred paradigm.

EFFECTIVE HABITS

---- Dependence is a paradigm of YOU - you take care of me; you come through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you for the results.
---- Independence is the paradigm of I - I can do it; I am responsible; I am self reliant; I can choose.
---- Interdependence is the paradigm of WE - we can do it; we can coorporate; we can combine our talents and abilities and create something greater together. so be INTERDEPENDENCE.

● TO TRY TO ACHIEVE MAXIMUM EFFECTIVENESS THROUGH INDEPENDENCE IS LIKE TRYING TO PLAY TENNIS WITH A GOLF CLUB. THE TOOL IS NOT SUITED TO THE REALITY.

● INTERDEPENDENCE is a CHOICE only INDEPENDENCE people can make and that's why habit 1, 2 and 3 focus on self mastery. This moves a person from dependence to independence. This are private victories and essence CHARACTER growth.
AND
Habit 4, 5 and 6 can move a person independence to interdependence which focuses on public victories and is PERSONALITY oriented.

● Effectiveness life in the balance -- what I called the P/PC balance, P for production and PC for production capability. (P is the golden egg and PC is the asset that produces golden egg, the goose)
Suppose you want your son to have a clean room -- that's P, production, the golden egg and suppose you want him to clean it -- that's PC, production capability, your son is the goose, the asset, that produce the golden egg.
If your paradigm is focused only on production, on getting the room clean, you find yourself nagging him to do it and in your desire to get the golden egg, you underestimate health and wealth of the goose. So don't only focus on asset(golden egg/what you want) but also on goose (on those who are doing it for you.)

● No one can persuade another to change.

HABIT NO. 1
BE PROACTIVE.

● The basic idea is that we are conditioned to
respond in a particular way to a particular
stimulus, and between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.

● Proactivity means as a human beings, we are responsible for our own life. Our behaviour is a function of our decision, not our condition.
"Response--ability" the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognise that responsibility.

● Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather good, they will feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance while proactive people carry their own weather with them.

● NO ONE CAN HURT YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.

● It is in the ordinary event of every day that we develop the proactive capacity to handle the extraordinary pressure of life.

● WHAT MATTERS MOST IS HOW WE RESPOND TO WHAT WE EXPERIENCE IN LIFE.

● Our basic nature is to ACT and not be acted upon.

● We have a power to choose a positive response to any circumstances.

● The difference between person who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference between day and night.

Use proactive language to yourself.
Reactive language:
--- That's just the way I am.
--- He makes me so mad.
--- I have to do that.
--- I can't.
--- I must.

Proactive language:
--- I can choose a different approach.
--- I control my own feeling.
--- I will choose an appropriate response.
--- I choose.
--- I prefer.

◆◆ CIRCLE of INFLUENCE and CONCERN◆◆

---- Proactive people focus their efforts in the circle of influence. They work on things they can do something about.

---- Reactive focus on circle of concern, on the things which they don't really have any control.

The problem we face fall in one of three areas: (i) Direct control: Problem involving our own behaviour (can cure by habit 1, 2, 3.)
(ii) Indirect control: Problems involving other people's behaviour (can cure by 4, 5, 6)
(iii) No control.

● Focus on "BE", be patient, be wise, be loving. It's the character focus.

● There are so many ways to work in the circle of influence -- to be a better listener, to be more loving marriage partner, to be better student and to be more cooperative, sometime the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy.

● While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. If you pick up one end of the stick you pick up other.

● Our behaviour is governed by principal. Living in harmony with them brings positive consequences; validating them brings negative consequences.

● Anytime we think the problem is "OUT THERE" THAT THOUGHT IS THE PROBLEM.

● The proactive approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it. Our response to any mistakes affect the quality of the next moment. It is important to immediately admit and correct our mistakes.

● At the very heart of our circle of influence is our ability to make and keep COMMITMENTS and PROMISES to ourselves and to others.

● It's not what they are not doing or should be doing that's the issue. The issue is your own choosen response to the situation and what you should be doing.

● We are responsible for our own effectiveness and for our own happiness.

HABIT NO. 2
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.

● "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us".

● To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you are going so that every step you take are always in the right direction.

● All things are created twice, first mentally then physically.

● Management is doing things RIGHT and leadership is doing the right THINGS.

● To begin with the end in mind means to approach my each and every part of role in life, with my values and direction clear.

● The most effective way to begin with the end in mind is to developed a personal mission statement.

● There are different types of people having different paradigm principles i.e spouse, family, money, possessions, friend, enemy, church and self. So different paradigm centeredness principle people act differently in same situation.

● As a principle centered person, you see things differently. And because you see things differently, you think differently, you act differently.

● All the world class athletes and other peak performers are VISUALIZERS. They see it; they feel it; they experience it before they actually do it. They begin with the end in mind.

● Writing your missions in terms of important roles in your life gives you balance and harmany. It gives each role clearly before you. (As a brother, son, human, friend etc) Roles and goals give structure and organized direction to your personal mission.

HABIT 3
PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST.
● Independent will really makes effective self management possible. It is the ability to make decisions and choices and to act in accordance with them.

● Effective management is putting FIRST THINGS FIRST. While leadership decides WHAT "FIRST THINGS" are.

● The challenge is not to manage time but to manage OURSELVES.

● If you are an effective manager of yourself,  your discipline comes from within.

TIME MANAGEMENT MATRIX

● Building relations, writing personal statement, long-range planning, exercise, preparation are all quadrant II activities. Effective people are not problem minded, they are opportunity minded.

● The only place to get time for quadrant II in the beginning is from quadrant III and IV, you can't ignore the urgent and important activities of quadrant I.

● The way you spend your time is a result of the way you see your time and the way you really see your priorities.

● To become principle-centered and to manage ourselves in quadrant II, we need to do what is truly most important.

● THE KEY IS NOT TO PRIORITIZE WHATS ON YOUR SCHEDULE, BUT TO SCHEDULE YOUR PRIORITIES.

◆◆ BECOMING A QUADRANT II SELF MANAGER ◆◆
(i) Identifying roles:
--- Write down your roles of an individual, family member, citizen, employee, father, developing person etc.
--- You may want to list a few roles in your work, indicating different areas in which you wish to invest time and energy on regular basis.
(ii) Selecting goals:
--- Think of two or three important results you feel you should accomplished in each role.
(iii) Scheduling:
--- Now you can look at the week ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time to achieve them.
(iv) Stewardship delegation:
--- Don't be a gofer delegation person, go for this, go for that, do this, do that and tell me when it's done. Be a stewardship delegation person, its focus is on results instead of methods, it gives people a choice of method and makes them responsible for results.

◆◆ SIX MAJOR DEPOSITS ON EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT ◆◆
(i) UNDERSTANDING THE INDIVIDUAL
---- Really seeking to understand another person is probably one of the most important deposits you can make.

(ii) ATTENDING TO LITTLE THINGS
---- Small discourtesy, little unkindness, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawal. In relationships, little things are the big things

(iii) KEEPING COMMITMENTS
---- Keeping a commitments is major deposits; breaking one is a major withdrawal.

(iv) CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS
---- The deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning. When expectations are not shared and clear then simple misunderstandings become compounded, turning into personality clashes and communication breakdown.

(v) SHOWING PERSONAL INTEGRITY
---- Personal Integrity generates trust and is the basis of many different kind of deposits.
---- One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is TO BE LOYAL TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT PRESENT in doing so, we build the trust of those who are present.

(vi) APOLOGIZING SINCERELY WHEN YOU MAKE A WITHDRAWAL
---- When we make withdrawal from the emotional bank account, we need to apologize and we need to do it sincerely.
---- great deposits come in the sincere words:
"I was wrong"
"That was unkind of me"
"I showed you no respect"
"I gave you no dignity and I am deeply sorry."

HABIT 4
THINK WIN/WIN

◆◆ SIX PARADIGM OF HUMAN RELATION ◆◆
(i) WIN/WIN
---- It constantly seeks mutual benefits in all  human interaction.
---- Win/win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.
(ii) WIN/LOSE
---- it say's "If I win, you lose"
---- Most results you want to depend on cooperation between you and others. And the win/lose mentality is dysfunctional to that cooperation.
(iii) LOSE/WIN
---- Some people are programmed the other way -- lose/win
"I lose, you win"
"Go ahead. Have your way with me. "
"Step on me again. Everyone does "
"I'm a loser, I've always been a loser."
---- lose/win is worst then win/Lose because it has no standards, no demands, no expectations, no vision.
(iv) LOSE/LOSE
---- When two win/lose people get together -- that is, when two determined stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact -- the result will be lose/lose.
(v) WIN
---- People with the win mentality don't necessarily want someone else to lose. What matters is that they get what they want.
(vi) WIN/WIN OR NO DEAL
---- No deal basically means that it if we can't find the solution that would benefit us both we agree to disagree agreeably -- NO DEAL.
---- With no deal as an option you can honestly say I only want to go for win/win. I want to win and I want you to win.

● High courage and consideration are both essential to win/win.
● To develope a win/win character is to associate some model or mentor who really thinks win/win.
● The spirit of Win-Win cannot survive in an environment of competition and contests.

HABIT 5
SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
● If you want to be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you have to build the skill of EMPATHIC LISTENING.

● Most people do not listen with the intent to UNDERSTAND, they listen with intent to REPLY. They are either speaking or preparing to speak.

● ETHOS, PATHOS,  LOGOS.  These three words contain the essence of seeking first to understand and making effective presentation.
(i) Ethos: faith people have in your integrity and competency.
(ii) Pathos: It's a feeling. It means that you are in alignment with the emotional trust of another person communication.
(iii) Logos: It is the logic, the reasoning part of the presentation.

Most people in making presentation, go straight to the logos. They try to convince other people of the validity of that logic without taking ethos and pathos into consideration.
So next time when you communicate with anyone, put aside all your autobiography and genuinely seek to understand even if people don't have to open up with you and share their problem you can be empathic and it can feel them and can respond "you feel down today"

● Spend time with your loved ones, go out with them on a regular basis, have dinner, do something you both enjoy, listen to each other, see life through each others life.

HABIT 6
SYNERGIZE
● Synergize is the true and manifestation of all of the other habits put together.

● Synergy is almost as if a group collectively agrees to subordinate old scripts and to write a new one.

● Your attitude should be "If a person of your intelligence and competency and commitment disagrees with me, then there must be something to their disagreements that I don't understand, and I need to understand it."

● "I don't want to communicate with someone who agrees with me, I want to communicate with someone who sees it differently and I value that difference"

HABIT 7
SHARPEN THE SAW
● It surrounds the other habits on The seven habits paradigm because it is the habit that makes all the others possible.

● The single most powerful investment we can ever make in life is investment in ourself.

● To be effective, we need to recognize the importance of taking time regularly to sharpen the saw in all four ways
Physical                       Social/emotional
Mental.                         Spiritual.
(i) Physical:
---- The physical dimension involves caring effectively of our physical body -- eating the right kind of food, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis
(ii) Spiritual dimension:
---- The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitments to your value system.
---- Renewing the spiritual dimension provides leadership to your life. It is highly related to habit 2.
(iii) Mental dimension.
---- We spend our time watching TV they can enrich our lives and contribute meaningfully to our purpose and goals. But there are many programs that simply waste our time and mind. TV IS A GOOD SERVANT BUT A POOR MASTER.
---- Proactive people can figure out many, many ways to educate themselves.
(iv) Social/emotional dimension.
---- Why don't we agree to communicate until we can find a solution we both feel good about. Would you willing to do that?
---- Not a day goes by that we can't at least serve one other human beings by making deposit of unconditional love.

A self help book written by Stephen covey.